“Fill Your Divots, You Idiot (and Other Etiquette Tips Every Golfer Should Know)”

Look, we all have bad shots. That’s golf. But what separates the classy queens from the chaos goblins? Etiquette.  And yes, that includes filling your divots, you absolute menace. Let’s break it down for the people in the back (and the guy who thinks yelling “FORE!” counts as personality).  

🕳️ 1. Fill Your Divots (Seriously.) This isn’t optional.  You just chunked up half the fairway like you were harvesting potatoes. Grab the sand/seed mix and fix it. You are not too good, too rushed, or too Instagram-famous to skip this step.  Besides, it’s literally part of the game. Like sunscreen and sarcastic commentary.

✨ Pro Tip: A divot is not a souvenir. Put it back, Karen.  

💨 2. Rake the Bunker (AKA Cover Your Sandy Crimes) So you landed in the trap and had a little temper tantrum. No judgment—we’ve all been there. But once you’ve blasted out like a sandstorm, rake it. Smooth it like it never happened. Leave no trace. You’re not Bigfoot. ✨ Etiquette is sexy. Sand craters are not.  

♀️ 3. Don’t Talk During Swings (Unless You Want to Be Uninvited) This isn’t a concert. If someone’s lining up a shot, shut your pretty little mouth for 5 seconds. That story about your neighbor’s cousin’s dog can wait until the cart ride. Or at least until after the putt. ✨ Exceptions: screaming “YES QUEEN!” after a birdie is always allowed.  

⛳️ 4. Play Ready Golf (A.K.A. Get Moving, Brenda) If you’re ready and the coast is clear, hit. Don’t wait for a formal invite. This isn’t Downton Abbey.  We’re here for birdies, laughs, and beverages—not a six-hour round because you can’t find your glove (spoiler: it’s on your hand).  

🫶 5. Be Cool to the Crew That includes the cart girls, course marshals, and anyone else keeping the magic alive. Smile. Tip. Say thank you. You’re not Beyoncé (yet). Manners matter, even on the back nine.  Final Word from the Divot Patrol: Golf is a game of grace, grit, and not being a jerk. So fix your pitch marks, fill your craters, and act like your grandma is watching.

🛍️ Also, if you’re looking this good in your Shanks gear, don’t ruin it by acting like a fool.  Be the reason people say, “Wow, she’s got great form… and great manners.”  

Tag your cart bestie who needs this reminder.  Or print it out and staple it to your husband’s golf bag.  Because nothing says class act like a well-behaved woman with a mean short game.